Ruffled Feathers
It looks like I'll be taking a quick break from chronicling our daily adventures tonight and digging a little into an issue that has been on my mind all afternoon. I promise I won't get *too* deep or sentimental because frankly, that's just not me. I'm an "at face value" kind of person and I like me just fine :)
It appears that I may have ruffled a few feathers in one of my previous posts (the one about how Jayce's IEP went). One one hand, I'm not surprised. No one likes to be disagreed with. I'd say a lot of humans don't take criticism, constructive or not, very well. On the other hand, I'm kind of amused that someone from the school district actually reads my blog :)
There was a time that I deeply cared about what others thought of me. Growing up, I'd say its safe to say that I was a "People Pleaser". I liked it when people were happy and I tried my best to keep it so. I would be very hurt to hear that someone didn't care for me, or my ideas, or didn't want to be my friend.
I'm not sure when all of that changed. Was it when I was in college and explored my self-worth? Was it when I met Brian and saw how being nice all the time is really pretty fake? Or was it when I was full into my term as MOMS Club president and had one of the members call me up and say, "You are the worst president our MOMS Club chapter ever had!"
(By the way, I told her not to let the door hit her on the way out of the club, since she had threatened to leave and all. Definitely not how I would have handled that situation in High School!)
Over the years, I've learned an important lesson. You can't please everyone. And the person you really need to please (sans your religious beliefs) is yourself. Family and friends come closely after that, but not at the expense of your own happiness.
I never knew how much I'd have to defend my beliefs until I became a mom. It came apparent pretty quickly that my parenting beliefs were not the most popular around. I had three choices... 1. question my own beliefs and listen to theirs with an open mind 2. keep my mouth shut or 3. be upfront and stand up for what I believe to be right for my family.
To this day, I do a little of all 3. I try to have an open mind when listening to other's beliefs, whether or not they are religious, political, or parenting. Sometimes I find it wise just to not say anything at all (no use beating a dead horse now, is there?). Yet, more often than not, I feel very comfortable saying what's on my mind.
Even if its not what people want to hear.
I feel very secure in the choices I have made for myself and my family. Of course I have regrets... who doesn't? I hope that I learn from them.
In this situation, I have been accused of acting in an unprofessional manner. I'm sorry, but even typing it out makes me giggle just a bit. :) I've never once claimed I am a professional. I am lucky enough to not have to work outside the home in the professional workforce. I can voice my opinions freely without worrying about office politics or angering a boss. In my "work" as a stay-at-home mom, I am the boss. At least until Brian gets home from his day job and we share that title equally in the evenings and on the weekend :)
I don't claim to be an expert on children. But I am an expert on my children. I'm not an expert in Attachment Parenting nor am I a Board Certified lactation consultant. All I can tell you is how AP has worked for my family and the struggles I went through when I was nursing my kids.
And if you don't agree with me? Oh well, you have that right. That's your opinion. Just like I'm entitled to mine.
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Now, because I think my blog posts without pictures are very boring, here are some from a few weeks ago:
(my own personal gardener. He likes to dig weeds out by hand)
The umbrella Jaina made at school :)
It appears that I may have ruffled a few feathers in one of my previous posts (the one about how Jayce's IEP went). One one hand, I'm not surprised. No one likes to be disagreed with. I'd say a lot of humans don't take criticism, constructive or not, very well. On the other hand, I'm kind of amused that someone from the school district actually reads my blog :)
There was a time that I deeply cared about what others thought of me. Growing up, I'd say its safe to say that I was a "People Pleaser". I liked it when people were happy and I tried my best to keep it so. I would be very hurt to hear that someone didn't care for me, or my ideas, or didn't want to be my friend.
I'm not sure when all of that changed. Was it when I was in college and explored my self-worth? Was it when I met Brian and saw how being nice all the time is really pretty fake? Or was it when I was full into my term as MOMS Club president and had one of the members call me up and say, "You are the worst president our MOMS Club chapter ever had!"
(By the way, I told her not to let the door hit her on the way out of the club, since she had threatened to leave and all. Definitely not how I would have handled that situation in High School!)
Over the years, I've learned an important lesson. You can't please everyone. And the person you really need to please (sans your religious beliefs) is yourself. Family and friends come closely after that, but not at the expense of your own happiness.
I never knew how much I'd have to defend my beliefs until I became a mom. It came apparent pretty quickly that my parenting beliefs were not the most popular around. I had three choices... 1. question my own beliefs and listen to theirs with an open mind 2. keep my mouth shut or 3. be upfront and stand up for what I believe to be right for my family.
To this day, I do a little of all 3. I try to have an open mind when listening to other's beliefs, whether or not they are religious, political, or parenting. Sometimes I find it wise just to not say anything at all (no use beating a dead horse now, is there?). Yet, more often than not, I feel very comfortable saying what's on my mind.
Even if its not what people want to hear.
I feel very secure in the choices I have made for myself and my family. Of course I have regrets... who doesn't? I hope that I learn from them.
In this situation, I have been accused of acting in an unprofessional manner. I'm sorry, but even typing it out makes me giggle just a bit. :) I've never once claimed I am a professional. I am lucky enough to not have to work outside the home in the professional workforce. I can voice my opinions freely without worrying about office politics or angering a boss. In my "work" as a stay-at-home mom, I am the boss. At least until Brian gets home from his day job and we share that title equally in the evenings and on the weekend :)
I don't claim to be an expert on children. But I am an expert on my children. I'm not an expert in Attachment Parenting nor am I a Board Certified lactation consultant. All I can tell you is how AP has worked for my family and the struggles I went through when I was nursing my kids.
And if you don't agree with me? Oh well, you have that right. That's your opinion. Just like I'm entitled to mine.
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Now, because I think my blog posts without pictures are very boring, here are some from a few weeks ago:
Beautifully stated, Jesse.
ReplyDeleteBlogging openly can be tricky. I often remind myself that it is my blog and that I am free to write the good, the bad and the ugly. If I rub people the wrong way (which I know happens!), they don't need to visit the blog.
You're an inspiration as a Mom. So many look up to you and the battles you fight on behalf of your children. Again, well stated!
Well said.
ReplyDeletejust got caught up on all this. well said jess. i admire your strength to stand up for your children and yourself.
ReplyDeleteVery well said. I love that umbrella. Ok I am sure I spelled that wrong. lol
ReplyDeletethat's the great thing about a blog - you get to state YOUR opinion, the way YOU see things, the way YOU feel, cause its YOURS!!! so i figure if people don't like it, they know how to hit the little x in the corner, of if you're a mac lover like me, the little red circle...
ReplyDeleteit makes me giggle too that someone from your district reads.... I personally still can't wait to hear how all that stuff turns out. I know the process, and I know the laws (adverse educational effect and on and on) but still. I"m not sure they got it all right :) so be sure and keep me posted!
Good for you, Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI feel like going on and on. You know me and school people! But I don't have days and days.
Amen :-)
ReplyDeleteI have always admired you for you strength. Your words are true and always well spoken.
ReplyDeleteWith the internet and cyber world, people don't hear the emotiveness to words, they only read what's in black and white, there is no grey. While people with an open mind will see grey, some white and black or neither. That's why I like photography, there are no words, just visuals. I have never been good with words anyway :)
It's all an opinion and statement, people need to realize that and open their minds more.
Love you xoxo
Unprofessional manner? Give me a damn break. I would have been tempted to throw something had I been in your place in that meeting. I think that there are too many employees of this school district who take themselves a little too seriously. Please. If they're worried about getting their feelings hurt, perhaps they should stay off the internet. You are an excellent mother (not that you need me to tell you that) and they are the ones acting unprofessionally if they are contact you via personal contact concerning your child's IEP, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteWho needs "big brother" on your personal life? You go girl! I feel your pain. You can't please everyone nor is your blog about pleasing everyone. It's about your life & your experiences.
ReplyDeleteVery well said...You should be proud!
ReplyDelete